Everyone starts somewhere.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of coming across(after probably a decade of absence) a man that truly changed my life for the better.  I even told him that he probably saved my life, and I really mean that.  I was so depressed, so unhappy as a teenager.  I didn't have a great home life and I contemplated suicide and death a lot.  More than anyone should.  I was crying out for help and it seemed like no one heard me, or, as I thought at the time, really cared.  But then a teacher of mine, Mr. Ives, reached out.  He got me reading books that I had never read, and most importantly, he got me writing.  Not just journal writing, even though there was a lot of that that really took off after a Creative Writing class with him, but real writing, poetry, fiction.  I credit him with where I am now, and I've known for a long while now that I owe him.  Big time.
I told him yesterday in a brief letter (via Facebook, I know, how lame, right?) anyway, I told him yesterday that the thing that really saved me what his belief in me.  He believed in me, he told me I could do it.  He told me it would be a long road and that it would be hard, but if I worked for it I could get it.  Of course I'm talking about writing but it felt like everything to me.  It felt like LIFE and that is probably what kept me around.  I'm not being dramatic.  I'm not overstating anything.
I think that seeing him again, even if it's just online, and remembering all of that, the way I felt, the dreams I had, the shitty times, and the good, amazing times, gives me the boost that I really need.  It's like he's saying, "Remember, Amber?  Now do it."
And I am.

I didn't end up buying Deemer's book yet because I knew that I'd get carried away and start a screenplay and abandon my collection of shorts and that's definitely NOT what I need to be doing.  I thought of an idea for a novel last night as I was trying to sleep and I thought of something pretty interesting, or interesting at the moment at least, but I can't remember a damn thing about it now!  I really should write down these night time idears.

I bought one of Larry McMurtry's memoirs a while ago and have yet to read it.  It's on the list for this weekend.  It's called Literary Life.

Also on the list for this weekend is to finishing editing and re-writing "The Dragon Lady" and send it out to a few journals.  Which journals?  I haven't decided.